Fatwa: # 17614
Category: Marriage
Country: Australia
Date: 1st March 2009

Title

To what extent we should follow our parents order according to Islam? (Mariage)

Question

To what extent we should follow our parents order according to Islam?
Mine was arranged marriage, Me and my wife used to live in other city away from my parents and her parents.
After some time, my family and her family had some problem and had a fight.
My parents want me to divorce my wife saying that the girl is not respecting her husband and in laws. Even the girl's parents want divorce.
Me or my wife dont want the divorce but we are living separetly since last 6 months.
We thought that the parents will cool down after few months and allow us to stay as a couple again and we did not want to disobey them.
But now we think that they will never allow us to love together as a couple.
What should we do?
Shall I sacrifice my wife for my parents or shall I go with my wife against my parents?
Please reply as soon as possible and also pray for us.


Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh  

If one is instructed by his parents to divorce his wife, then there exists one of two possibilities:

-either the parents have a valid reason for instructing the son to divorce the wife. For example, the parents are troubled by the behaviour of the wife, as she is disrespectful to them. In such a situation, the husband should adhere to the instruction of his parents and divorce his wife.

-either the parents do not have a valid reason for instructing the son to divorce the wife. There are merely claiming that they are troubled by the wives behaviour, but in reality this is not the situation. There instruction is motivated by personal interest and not based on Shari’ah. In such a situation, the husband does not have to adhere to the instruction of his parents. In fact, divorcing her will constitute Zulm (injustice), as she is divorced without a valid reason.

(Dars Al-Tirmidhi, vol 3, pg 502, Maktaba Darul Uloom Karachi)

In view of the above, we advise:

1. The husband should analyse whether the instruction of his parents are valid and acceptable in Shari’ah or is it motivated by personal interest. If it is motivated by personal interest, he is not obliged to adhere to their instruction.

2.  Both husband and wife should take initiative to persuade their parents and try resolving the dispute between the families. If this is difficult, seek the assistance of a local reputable Aalim (scholar). Surely, resolving the dispute will assist in bridging the separation.

3. Continuously seek the assistance of Allah Ta’ala.

 

And Allah knows best

Wassalam u Alaikum

 

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa

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